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Programmable Hubby Talk
                     By Philip Kuan

/**
* All content and behavior created by Debbie Dolls are reserved. Readers are
* prohibited from reproducing the code listed below without written consent from
* Sionic Enterprises.

*

* Sionic Enterprises is not responsible for any damages incurred by
* the product or software.
**/



Program Debbie{

//CODE GREEN

private String GREEN_REPLY_1 = "Oh my gruffy bear, you're so clever!";

private String GREEN_REPLY_2 = LOL + "Oh please stop making me laugh," +

LOL + "you'll make me pee!";

//CODE ORANGE

private String ORANGE_REPLY_1 = "Sweetie that's a strange thing to say.";

private String ORANGE_REPLY_2 = "Baby you must be tired, why don't you go

nap on the couch?";

//CODE RED

private String RED_REPLY_1 = "Let's go home. Right now."

private String RED_REPLY_2 = "This isn't the best place for this. Let's head

home."

//Debbie's conversation storage module

private Array HubbyTalk = new Array< string>();

//Husband specifications module:

//e.g. subject's IQ, hobbies, length, girth, feelings_about_length_and_girth, etc)

private class HubbySpecs;

//Debbie's initialization protocol

private initDebbie() {

            String hubby = find_New_Husband();

            HubbySpecs = download_New_Hubby_Specs_From_Hive(hubby);

            //Add default replies to Debbie's conversation storage module

            HubbyTalk.addToMemory (GREEN_REPLY_1);

            HubbyTalk.addToMemory (GREEN_REPLY_2);

            HubbyTalk.addToMemory (ORANGE_REPLY_1);

            HubbyTalk.addToMemory (ORANGE_REPLY_2);

            HubbyTalk.addToMemory (RED_REPLY_1);

            HubbyTalk.addToMemory (RED_REPLY_2);

}

//Debbie's function to research hubby's hobbies

//To be run daily, whenever hubby is at work.

private researchHubbyHobby() {

            if (HubbySpecs.hobby == SPORTS)

                         HubbyTalk.addToMemory(watchESPN());

            if (HubbySpecs.hobby == CARS) {

                         //Programmer's note - BUILD 39540 defect 889:

                         //Recall notice: Debbie program malfunction caused by exhibiting




            too much automotive knowledge. Hubby inferiority complex results in

            Debbie rejection. This has been addressed with the following code.

                         HubbyTalk.deleteFromMemory (HubbySpecs.carKnowledge);

                         HubbyTalk.addToMemory (downloadDumbassCarQuestions());

            }

            if (HubbySpecs.hobby == BEING_FAT)

                         HubbyTalk.addToMemory(watchFoodNetwork()));

            if (HubbySpecs.hobby == PORN)

                         HubbyTalk.deleteFromMemory(laptopBrowserHistory);

            if (HubbySpecs.hobby == OTHER_MEN) {

                              HubbyTalk.addToMemory(watchBrokebackMountain());

                              initiateMichelleWilliamsProtocol();

            }

            }

            //Debbie function to converse with Hubby, using HubbyTalk storage module

            private replyToHusband(String hubby_input) {

            if (hubby_input == HARMLESS) {

                        HubbyTalk.generateGreenReply();

            }

            if (hubby_input == SUSPICIOUS) {

                        HubbyTalk.generateOrangeReply();

                        serve(HubbySpecs.favoriteBeverage());

                        cook(HubbySpecs.favoriteMeal());

                        perform(HubbySpecs.weirdestBedroomFetish());

                        complement(HubbySpecs.Length()+HubbySpecs.Girth());

            }

            if (hubby_input == HE_KNOWS) {

                        HubbyTalk.generateRedReply();

                        terminateHubby();

            }

            }

            //Debbie's function to dispose of Hubby

            private terminateHubby() {

            wait (aloneWithHubby()) {

                        hitHubbyWithShovel();

                        disposeOfBody();

                        reportBackToHive();

                        deleteHubbyTalk(HubbyTalk);

                        initDebbie();

            }

            }

}