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Trump in Beverly Hills | ||
Trump in Beverly Hills Characters: Donald Trump Stormy Daniels Setting: A suite in the Beverly Hills Hotel
Time: 2006 Fiction Page 1 Book Review Page 1 Essays 1 The Blog Bog More Plays by: Austin Alexis P- 1 Table of Contents Act One Act Two Act One Act Two Act One Act Two |
Trump in Beverly Hills A Play by Matthew Paris Act One(Enter Donald Trump. He sings.) Trump's Credo When I drive it's in a Cadillac car When I make love it's with a porno star When I eat it's a triple big whopper Diet coke for the proper topper. I'm a businessman with shadowy credit I want to know what I get when I get it. I look for a model when I want a lover Some Bunny in Centerfold I don't want ever to discover She's ugly or looks too old. I watch lots of game shows you see on the tubes Maybe this crap is for morons and boobs. When you sit in a chair you can get hog fat. Still I say to myself: hey, I can do that. I'm a businessman with shadowy credit I want to know what I get when I get it. I think it's funny that women want money; What the hell can a fat wad do? You don't know your friends while your lover spends More of your money than you. Real estate, boys, is whatever is real We can make a hellova deal; My checks might be a little short. I might be lying; see you in court. I'm a businessman with shadowy credit I want to know what I get when I get it. (He turns on the television set, One hears sounds of a National Geographic documentary on sharks. A bell rings. Donald opens the door. Enter Stormy Daniels.) Honey, you look great. Stormy- Just great? No surprises? Donald- all right. You look even better live than you did in your porno movies. Stormy- You've seen them? Donald- Most of them. I have a collection of them. Stormy- You can afford to have them all, even the hard core loops.. My films are just the way I advertise. (She sings.) Porno Women Your wife may tell you she's tired. She pops ups not to feel that down. She's never all that inspired. Your girlfriend is out of town. Street fare might be a danger Given where you want to go. Whenever you look for a stranger A porno star never says no. You can try Las Vegas, Havana Hang around dumps in Pigalle For the usual weird arcana You get on the cheap in Nepal. You might be a little bit picky Whenever your commerce is slow; Whenever you look for a quickie A porno star never says no. Whatever you call a passion No matter how foul or low Below any taste or fashion: A porno star never says no. Laughed at by Helen and Ellen Dismissed by Eileen and Elaine You might be a bum and a felon You could be a fool or insane Lacking in looks, dressed in tatters It's time to look up a pro. In intimate amorous matters A porno star never says no. You invited me to your apartment at the Beverley Hills Hotel; I was in town and I'm here, Donald. That was damned simple enough, no? Donald- Nothing is all that clear with us. Take this shark documentary I'm watching on television right now. Stormy- I don't watch television too much, Donald. Usually I'm too busy. Donald- This program is interesting. It's about sharks. They're the perfect animal, really. They not only don't have an inner life; they don't pretend to have one. They're all surface. With a shark what you see is all you need to know about them. Stormy- If they had a chance to think it over do you think they'd try something else besides being sharks? They could be minnows or tigers. Donald- We'll never know. Sharks don't have those unpleasant moments. Stormy- You wouldn't like to be a shark rather than a human being though, Donald. They hunt in packs sometimes. They have a rough equality, I think. No shark feels any better than any other shark. Donald- We'll never know. They might have more vanity in them than we could ever guess. They make not their choices to be sharks but they are sharks, good sharks; they spend their lives being something like sharks till something or somebody kills them. Whether they have a wider choice than that even National Geographic documentaries don't know, kid. Stormy- You like them. You think we might be more like sharks than we would like to admit. It s an amusing idea, Donald. You might be wrong. Donald- Look, you're twenty seven; I'm sixty one. I'm old enough to remember another world you never knew that came and want a hellova long time ago. You were spared all that nightmare though you may live to be in one you wish you never survived long enough to get to know all that well. Stormy- You mean I can outlive this world? I can't wait. Donald- You don't like it? Be patient. You'll get another one. When my grandfather came over here from german ABCs he was not so politely kicked out of Bavaria the world was a very different place. When my father took over his real estate business my grandfather founded people were mostly broke. Being out of pocket was normal, ordinary. Stormy- I guess I've missed a lot of days people were happy to see go into the toilet. Donald- You bet you have, honey. You've heard about the Great Depression. Nobody thought of running an empire, mortgager, credit, big debt. It was hard on realtors, kid. Their tenants too three month rents in dumps and disappeared into the night. Luckily for us now it's not so easy to vanish. Stormy- The world does better with people like me nowadays. I don't slink into the night. I have nothing to hide. I haven been hiding anything much either. Donald- Don't I know it! Stormy- Of course I might be very discreet about what nobody is looking for, nobody values. You think we're more like sharks now than we used to be. That could be good for America. Sharks, even incompetent sharks, are always going to be with us. Donald- Treble is, we aren't sharks. We might be very bad imitation sharks. Of course there are worse things than being a simple hungry fish. Barracudas are doing okay. One doesn't want to be eaten by any of them if somebody is doing the heavy eating. Stormy- Well, might that the choice if we're swimming in the sea, to be lunch or be having lunch. Donald- Yeah. As soon as we got into empire in America and paper money it got to be a lot like that, I'm afraid. It's built into having a buck or two. Once you get two levels about the bottom people tend to be very damned predatory. Once there is enough for an army of even fake sharks to eat they get greedy. They might miss out on a morsel or two of some sweet fish. Stormy- Maybe even sharks get tired of eating. It's aa very narrow enthusiasm. Donald- Sometimes it's not even something to get excited about. Stormy- You think you're a prime shark? Donald- No. Other people think I am. I know that. I never thought I was anything at all. Somebody says to me, you must be a porker at state fair, a shark, or a wild sheep. It's a small range of choices. Frankly, none of them describe me. Stormy- You're more friendly than a whole lot of killer fish with a lot of sharp teeth. Donald- Yeah, I've learnt to be cordial. I was born with money; that didn't help. I could do things for people; that sunk me at least more than once. Still I was better off being the courtier to somebody who could do me a few favors. That's it, Stormy. We're given two choices, both of them not so good; when we pick one of the two we think we're free. Stormy- Too bad there are only two of them. Donald- Whoever made those two choices might not be all that much far from his own dilemma either. I've met them. They aren't philosophers. They're German bankers, Mafia chiefs, television producers. They give you a chance to take the lady or the tiger as the Roman warrior did in the famous story. You know it? Stormy- Yeah, of course. I read it in high school. I would have written it differently though. No matter what door the gladiator opens he faces some kind of tiger. There's all kinds of tigers. You aren't afraid I'm going to blackmail you or ever hit on you for money? Donald- Everybody does that. I gave them wads of paper. I've got more of it than I know what Tao do with. If all you want form me is money I can give you lots of that. If you want a break into legit show busies I might be able to a arrange some of that too on my reality show. Maybe you want some front cash to make a personal erotic movie your way; I can provide that easily enough. What way do you think I might be vulnerable to you if you made a move to slash my throat, Stormy? Try it; see what happens. Stormy- I don't want ever to injure you. I'm doing what I'm doing so I never have to think about what anybody else can do for me. I wasn't born with a thick wad but I learned very quickly how to get one. I'm freed to do anything that money can buy with mph own money. Donald- You remind me of my daughter. You say what you think. I like that it women if not that often in men. Still the guy that puts those two tigers in the other side of the door may be looking at two dollars himself and wondering which one to open. Stormy- It's too complex for me. I'd rather have a tinkertoy private life. Donald- Hey, I don't like it; nothing with me is simple, baby. My father Fred told me when you're out on the street you're free and invisible; when you've got a buck or two like him or me you've got to be more careful. Stormy- You like what you saw though. Donald- Well, not entirely. Still I wanted to be the one with you in the sack. I wasn't. That of course can be remedied. Stormy- You should watch a porno movie. It's just a film. You want more personal attention. Donald- I usually get it. I know a lot of Playboy bunnies. They come to Chicago to get interested in people like me. They don't want to be stenographers. If I away what I like in the Centerfold I find out their number from the Playboy staff and call them up. Stormy- I hope they don't disappoint you. Donald- How can they? I know what I'm getting. I know what I am too. I'm a john. I'm not looking for passion. I'm not ambitious. What could go wrong? Stormy- Really, Donald, do you think you're all that cautious? You like a whole lot of attention, honey. Otherwise with your kind of heavy money you'd be more than invisible. The world is filled with minor barracudas. When you've got nothing or almost nothing you can afford to be loud like a tropical parrot. Maybe you aren't rich enough. I know this Chicago dream world top and bottom, honey. Believe me, if you were really rich and powerful enough I never would have heard of you. Donald- Well, I never said I was that scrupulously careful. You can't be, Stormy, not in life, even with a fat wad of money. If you are always on defense the sons of bitches out there score on you one day if not another. I saw them crawl over my father Fred and my poor dead brother early on. You've got to take a few chances. I took at least a couple of them. Stormy- You're still here Donald. You must have survived some long shots. Donald- So did you. I'll bet your mother didn't want you to be a porn star. Stormy- Who knows? Maybe she thought of me as a court appointed lawyer for the poor. Donald- You could be anybody's advocate. I'm sure you give good advice. Stormy- Maybe my mother was happy I wasn't laving off her food stamps. She didn't give me any guidance to the camera or the bedroom. Maybe she didn't some advice herself from experts. Neither did my father. They were divorced and couldn't stand each other. At least that's what they said. You wondered why they ever got together. Maybe they turned out the lights. Donald- Who know? I'm not sure I ever wanted to be in the re state business. Luckily it turned out to be the most virtuous profession I could have chosen; that's really just an accident. Story- Really? I never taught of most real estate as all that ethical. Donald- yeah, most people think we're sleazeball con artists. We're on step above lawyers. Yet they all use us often enough anytime they want to get out of the rain top a dry place. Maybe we're somewhere between martyrs and roof makers. Stormy- How do you figure that? Donald- Well, most people after having a home would rather live very unobtrusively in a hotel. When they have a home they usually have a mortgage. They might even have a wife they have to live with offering the same minimal lovemaking like cold stale spaghetti. They might have to change a few diapers in the middle of the night. They usually have to shovel a bit of snow or pay some crook to figure out how to put a tiny patch on a leaky roof. When you live in a hotel everything is taken care of for you. Nobody asks you any questions you don't want to answer. Story- This is one. Donald- It's a good one. You could wall in the indifference of people ere. You've got a quiet hotel clerk in the lobby, somebody from Latin America changing the sheets, a few whores on other floors working a light hustle, the bar downstairs with excellent room service; if you can vomit on the carpet if you drink too much you never have to clean the rug. That's not a bad deal, is it? Stormy- Hey, if you feel lousy you can call in the whores or watch television. Maybe both. Donald- You don't have a car. You never have to fork up car payments to anybody; you don't go anywhere. Apiary never on the long commute. If you've got to leave the palace you take a cab. All you need to get into the hotel like this one is a sign that you are flush with a few stray bucks. That's all America wants from you, Stormy: money. Top, middle, bottom, they don't care what you do or, don't do or think, they don't even bother to remember your name a lot of times. They don't really care what your name is. Stormy- That's good. I ails give the wrong one. Donald- You can give them the right one. You can say you're God. What you might have in the way of opinions or whether you sleep with the local sluts working the rooms day and night. That's freedom. It's not perfect; it's the best we can get in this world. Stormy- Maybe you're right. Of course I've got that peace and quiet myself without a hotel. These days I'm living by myself in a Dallas suburb. I walk around the local shopping malls with dark glasses and loose clothes. Nobody blinks and cease know her, she was on the porno film I watched last night. I'm nearly invisible when I buy the milk shakes and kiwi fruit. Donald- It's not as good as a hotel. You have to pay taxes to be in your suburbs at all; you probably owe some heavy cash right now to a bank, the sharks in your town know who you are; after they hear what you have to say or how you look, they might not even like you. Stormy- That's all happened to me. I survive it. Donald- Believe me, everybody in the world wants to live in a hotel, even a decrepit one. That's why I give them a good one. I've got hotels in the Mideast, Russia, and Ireland. Terrorists kill each other to be my patrons. They murder to get the royal suite. I might be building one soon in China. They like blondes and rugs on the floor. If this government ever decides to colonize Mars I'll put one on that plaint too. Maybe they'll be nothing but hotels on Mars. Why the hell should anyone want to live in a home? It's too boring and also very dangerous. Stormy- Your Martian hotels will give the aliens a lot of jobs to the people running them. That's if any dumb aliens want those jobs. Donald- Yeah. We don't want to he aliens too wealthy. Let haem get on Food Stamps too. Of course it's not that a hotel is so good, Stormy; it's that domestic life these days is the pits. You've got your lousy choices like the lady and the tiger. Sometimes a frumpy lady can be better than a decrepit but hungry big cat. Stormy- the tiger only kills you. The lady may rob you legally and put you in debt, You might wish one day you'd have picked the tiger. Donald- Not if you live in one of my hotels. Nobody serving a subpoena gets past the hotel clerk. Stormy- Donald, you've got a vision. It's amazing you're not a politicians running for something. Maybe America should be one big hotel. Donald- Maybe it is. Stormy- With ideas like yours, you should run for President. Donald- I'm glad you said that, Stormy. Oddly, I am thinking of doing just that. They've ben electing layers and generals or guys names Bush far too long in Washington. What if anything dodos a lawyer give you after a season in the courts? Nothing. He and the lawyers on the other side split what they steal from you. They're all in cahoots; I don't blame them. This run of Bushes are working for China. What do they get from China? Noodles. If they're gourmets sometimes its spinach noodles and puppy meat. Stormy- Maybe America needs a general. They don't steal as much as lawyers. Donald- A general might take you into a stupid war; they know more sometimes about war than peace. Peace is good for business. In fact you can occupy any third world dump in epact without an army. Just give them a cushy job and then threaten them with poverty. A real estate guy will at least make sure you have a room with a cot somewhere. They're morally a league above generals. Stormy- Maybe I should have gone into real estate rather than porno. Donald- You might run for President yourself. From a whorehouse to the Whiner House. That'll be your slogan. Stormy- I don't want to lie to anybody. I never worked in a brothel. A porno star is always transparent. Donald- We do what we can fumbling in the dark. I didn't choose to be in real estate; I was born into it. The real decisions were made for me by people who made the number of choices I had when I took them up and asked myself what the hell are the alternatives. Is it the usual lawyers and generals? People are fed up with both of them. Stormy- You're serious. You'd like to be in the White House. Donald- I'd rather be there than put up with a lot of other people making it even their temporary residence. I used to think being at the top means being rich, very rich. Still you sill have to bribe somebody with power who has an aery if you don't have your own private legions. Even with my pretty substantial bundle I've got two friends I cant cross: my broker and the African army. Stormy- I guess you don't think too much of Obama as a Presidential candidate in a couple of years. He's not a general but he's a lawyer. Donald- He's a hustler. I don't think he was born in America or even on this planet but he's more of a lawyer than a lot of American counselors, kid. He seems to some creeps like the messiah; he does nothing. Maybe that's what the messiah does. The son of a bitch presides over things. He opens rose gardens whenever he can. I tel my kids if he gets elected go into the florist business; yin will make a godamned fortune. He's a guy who seems like a leader to a few gulls but I know better. Stormy- You do. Maybe doing nothing and looking as if your might be doing something is what the rest of America wants even for themselves. Donald- Really? People get restless doing nothing. Stormy- Maybe we all want to do nothing. Work is usually some kind of slavery. most people hate their jobs; they can't wit to retire. It could be they want a leader whose already retired. He'd represent them when they can't represent themselves. Donald- Maybe. If they don't do anything who's making and delivering the pizza? Stormy- Mexicans. It's always Mexicans who run the pizza baseness these days. Donald- That's too bad., My political base doesn't like Mexicans much. Maybe they feel they didn't get enough mushrooms and onions on the deluxe special. Stormy- Maybe they don't. If you make your own pizza you get what you want. Donald- You're smart. You might know more about politics than I do. Stormy- I don't care about it. Every four years you get a choice of two empty suits or two criminals. I do get to talk to a lot of people. Stripping isn't a classy entertainment like playing golf. Donald- You're telling me they don't want jobs and have no sense of past greatness about America? I don't believe it. Stormy- I'm not sure the people I have talked to want to be get. They might want to be old in five minutes which is a respectable way of not working for a living. When they're young they won't say they like being on Welfare and food stamps at the bottom or credit cards at the middle and top; a lot of them got used to those aggressive hedge funds under Reagan in the 80s. They got twenty percent on their dollar; with all their debt it wasn't even their money in the first place. Donald- Yeah, those were they days. Twenty percent and you invest nothing. I sure as Hell liked that deal. Stormy- Still speculation is getting something for nothing, Donald. Maybe they don't want to go back to working some day shift on a job they're indifferent to and dying at 60 from the rich resident rage. Donald- Could be. Maybe I can appreciate that. Of course some of these slobs had the wrong job. Stormy- What's the right one? Running beauty contests? Pumping in a city of whores? Did you ever hear anybody form the 50s at any age who said he or she was happy with their life? I never did. Of ceruse they were doing better than they were in the Great Depression. It beats not having a job for fifteen years and sleeping on a cot. I don't think anybody thought it was great. Donald- Well, maybe it wasn't great. Those people wouldn't be my political base if I ran for President, Stormy. Stormy- Really. Whom might that base be? Donald- Mostly a lot of angry people who feel betrayed. I guess a bunch of people who not only don't feel all that great themselves; there are worse things than feeling trivial. Stormy- Still maybe they're happier than when they had mates and jobs. You locked up twenty ordinary people in an office it's like a cage of tigers with the door wide open. Nobody wants to be there, yet nobody leaves. Donald- That sound a little Hellish. They might be better off in a bar. Still they will vote for me. Stormy- Maybe. Are you going to get those jobs nobody wants back from China? They're happy to have those poor Chinese do their work. They don't want to leave their homes even if there's nobody in them but strangers and enemies. You know what they do in those wonderful suburban hoses? They watch my films. Donald- That's what I did. I guess you're in touch with those inside people. Stormy- That's what I've been hears when I get to the bar. It might be true. Trump- Then maybe Obama is right to do nothing. Maybe I should run on a program of doing even less than he ever did. Stormy- I wouldn't say that. People know something very large in wrong with this counter. You may do nothing but you can't look as if you're only ready for a fancy hospice. Donald- Well, I've been in show business for while; I know how to do a lot of things. I was also thinking of building a wall, not a hotel, between the United States and Mexico. A lot of American don't like Mexicans. I don't know why. I love their cooking. Stormy- They're our servant class. You throw out the help and you might have to cook and clean for yourself. Donald- Well, I could threaten to build a wall but not really do it. Some walls by the way look like hotels and visa versa have to get inside them to find out what they are if they're anything at all. Stormy- Anything else you want to do? Maybe you want to print more money? Donald- To talk to you I'd be lucky if the country doesn't disappear if I ever got elected. Maybe you're right. Maybe it would. Stormy- They might look up to you if you let them think you know how to spend your money. Donald- A few homes, a golf course and romancing Playboy bunnies who want a few bucks agent good enough, I guess. Maybe they'd like me to take up growing orchids. Stormy- What did you want to do with your money when you were young, Donald? Donald- It's hard to remember. I guess, run a whorehouse. I was never a drinker. This is as you know a hard drinking country. They look at me funny when I sip a coca cola. I guess I wanted to have women around who wouldn't say no. Stormy- It's when they say yes that they become dangerous. Donald- People never remember what they once hoped for. It's too painful. I did run a whorehouse. That's something. Stormy- Some of us are better off not getting it. Donald- Maybe they didn't even have hope. Usually wanting a friendly stranger in the sack is just restlessness. People in a bedroom shouldn't have a chance to tank too much, Stormy. They might decide after looking out the widow too much they want to do something else. Stormy- Marriage didn't work all that effectively in Louisiana. It might be too many whorehouse It might be loneliness, myopia and bad judgment. It could be contaminated bayou swamp water. I ought to know; I worked very strip joint in Louisiana from Baton Rouge to Algiers. Donald- I'm sure you didn't start out as child wanting to be a stripper. You've got to work up to it. Stormy- It beats being a stenographer. Maybe it's a memory from past levies. You know, as a kid as soon as I got breasts I was always something of a show off. If you give people something to look at they will pay for it. most stripers aren't even good looking. They're just near butt naked. They work out to build up their gut muscles, dye their hair blonde, may beet a bit of silicon in their tits and ass and sometimes have a serious talk with a plastic surgeon. It had to do with making a living, really. That's all this country wants. They don't care about your opining. If eating dog doody made money you're be a success if you were good at it. I worked as a stripper for a long time for two hundred bucks a night. I couldn't pull down that kind of money in an office taking shorthand. Donald- Even there with tits like yours you'd have to throw in a little bit more than taking dictation. Stormy- I wasn't a child stripper either, of course. I was a scholar in high school. I'm smart, I guess I didn't want to be Louisiana trailer trash. Not every girl from my town, a middle class dump near Baton rouge was working strip clubs later. The cash business was very good. We were all up all night. I could pay for my breakfast. Donald- That's all they want from you, kid. Every waiter is you friend when put down an outrageous tip. Stormy- You are quick to put down a bit of cash if it put a smile on the face of a lot of people. That's good. Diners are neutral. So are johns. I don't need their approval. When a leech they get a few bucks from you they are always looking for more. Its pretty damned chilling on the other side of that dialogue. Donald- Luckily I have what they want. Money. Stormy- Still you've always had money; you don't have the nagging feeling one day you might be out of pocket. Donald- Yeah, I've got different problems. I never knew early on who liked me if anybody ever did. Maybe I was unlikable. Then I decided I didn't care whether anybody liked me or found me attractive or not. Money is more reliable that looks. A dollar has no brains and no memory. That little insight made my life easier. Stormy- It does, doesn't it? even if people sleep with you, that doesn't mean they like you. It might mean they don't like you. Donald- Either way it's nothing personal most of the time either, Stormy. People are haunted, Stormy; they make love to phantoms. A lot of people don't like or dislike anybody. They look at you and say to themselves: what can I beat this son of a bitch out of his watch or his socks? That's okay. They're a reliable part of the world. I'm civil to them. They do crowd around you though when they can smell a bit of cash. Stormy- They can have my socks. I can always buy another watch. I get the same attention from a poodle as from hoist horny men who are drunk in a bar who think I'm beautiful. It might not be all that bad to be an illusion either. I like idiots to enrich me. Donald- If you take off your clothes to funky music they are liable to look your way at least for a moment. Stormy- That's just show business. A stripper has no real secrets, Donald; she just pretends she's concealing something. We are offering fake riddles. Donald- That's show business. Stormy- I like honkey tonk people. They beat cosmetic dentists. They have no airs. They know they're garbage. The company over the buckwheat cakes and corn syrup in a good diner is always interesting. I'd rather hear it than sounds from a ticker tape. Donald- Yeah, I felt the same way when I hung out at the brothels or with the bunnies. They were pushed out of their life and became somebody they never thought they could be. Sometimes corruption and crimes is good for you. You're never comfortable It keeps you alert. Stormy- You're in it yourself; you know show business people are fun. What was I supposed to do, Donald? Go to college, major in education and teach arithmetic in a public school? What would I teach the kids, how to do learn multiplication tables and be like me? I'm a whore of sorts but I'm not that stupid. Donald- You would be very popular in some of my better brothels. The whores tell me men like to talk with women there. They really aren't as interested in the sex as the conversation whit a woman the know they are going to ball in an hour. They like to parlay with a female pal whom they are sure will never say no. Stormy- I've said no sometimes. I don't want to be too predictable. Donald- You don't ever feel anything with all the guys you slept with in those porno movies? Stormy- Nothing at all. It's just commerce. What is there to feel: passion? We were strangers making love to each other so other strangers in raincoats could sit in the shadows one day and watch us in the dark. What was there in the way of strong emotion I could take up about that? Donald- I don't know. I've never been in a porno movie. Stormy- When you're a kid you say about porno: I would never do that. Then you discover discreetly the people who did it made a lot more money than people who did not do it. It changes your sense of values and focus of ambition. Donald- I'm glad you worked up to it as a shipper. You certainly have made the best porno movers I've ever seen. I think I've seen them all, even Japanese cartoons. You're not born to be a public school teacher. God didn't want you to work for a legit public institution. Stormy- Maybe those places are the biggest whorehouses in America, Donald. It's no fun to be a tramp at heart and all they want from you is a little clerical work before you die. It didn't feel right. I liked stripping. I'm more alive at night. I don't like most men much but they are at their worst when they're sober. Donald- It's more dangerous to be a drunk, kid. My brother Fred died from booze. John Barleycorn says he's your friend. He's cordial enough. He just wants to have a good time. He doesn't move in on you right way. He's patient. You've got to be if you're a stalker. My brother didn't start out to be a drunk. One quiet day John Barleycorn is your master. Then you try to run away from him. It's hard to do. The son of a bitch is quick on his feet and good at hunting you down. My brother died in a fancy lush asylum. Stormy- Sorry to hear that. It's hard to survive the people you loved. Donald- I didn't love him at all. I guess I did love him once. The juice alters people, Stormy. They might be charging BTU they aren't anyone you might want to feel passion for. They will stiff you. My brother Fred was a fraud, a liar and a thief. My father was not an mythical guy exactly either but if he was a rat he did his evil without any help from the whiskey. Stormy- They're both dead, aren't they? Donald- Very certifiably dead. Sometimes I dream about them. They might be living somewhere as crooks in Heaven. I hope so. Paradise needs a few creeps to keep it honest. Stormy- The three of you must have been hard on your mother. Donald- Maybe not. She was never disappointed in us. We are always transparent and in front of you. I don't know how ambition for intimacy with my father or us she ever was, Stormy. Maybe she took the big money my father made from real estate and felt she was okay. What choice did she have? She might have taught kids nursery rhymes in kindergarten or been a librarian. My father was out of the house all they time looking for some scheme for beating the world out of more than a few bucks. Sometimes being alone is bearable if you have a little money. Stormy- You mean she had very little choice. She was a woman; that does limit your ambitions, doesn't it? Donald- Not any less than a man. It's just different. What choices did I have? Ladies, tigers? I'm a man. I could have been a good bio, graduated from business college as a virgin, married and made even more money that my father. So could by brother. Instead I was trouble. They sent me to military school. I wasn't a chump. What kind of freedom is that to honor you own life and never taking any chances, Stormy? I could have been a rich creep nobody loved or found a more interesting world hanging out with so-called criminals. That's why I did what I did; I took the rosy route to the lobster pasta. Stormy- You mean why you worked in Atlantic City and were tight with a few Mafiosi. Donald- We all start out as babies once. All we want is pablum then some of us get smart. We look for something more than baby food. I'm like you, kid. I didn't want to teach Mother Goose in kindergarten either. Maybe I could have been prestigious and been a professor of commerce in a business college. That's the route in being shabby genteel, isn't it? Stormy- Those self invented types all go to strip clubs at the back of the bar. They all watch porno movies in the attic. Donald- I guess they don't get to the same joints as quickly as I did. Stormy- It's because going to bed with people isn't organized beyond a few whorehouse and quiet suburban marriages. If we could bottle sex and sell it like corn flakes we would do it in this country. Donald- Yeah. If it isn't profitable, what good is it, right? It's be nice to do it less flamboyantly than stripping and making porno films. Maybe we can't fight it. Some people are both born what they are. Maybe we all are. Maybe not. There must be a third chic that doesn't lead to Wall Street, Washington or Atlantic City. I just never found it. Maybe I should write a letter to the Montana Chamber of Commerce. Stormy- You might find us a rosy boulevard for a parade, Donald. Maybe the current highway isn't there. Donald- I take my Route 66 where I find it. When I was in college one summer I went with a bunch of my friend to Garrets. They know how to handle the lady and the tiger choices there. If they pitched even one tiger they would lose a lot of customers. You tell a taxi drive you want to take in the red light district and he drives off for fifteen minutes down a dirt road in the darkness and emptiness; suddenly like citadel of garish lights there it is. He picks you up in the morning and takes you back to town later. His services all costs you about a quarter. Stormy- I worked in a brothel once. Just briefly. It was a little confining. I liked light hotel work more. It's more anonymous. They do have good music in a whorehouse. Everybody in the place has a steady job. Donald- I don't think you're made for an unobtrusive life. Stormy- You can't be a porno star and invisible unless you work in heavy robes and a steel mask all the time. It's hard to make love unless you're not wearing anything at all. Donald- I can very much appreciate that. I was just a reality show star. I said lot of stupid things but I never had to get butt naked, at least not on television. Stormy- It's not the same thing. Men like women when they're lewd but not too coarse. A woman who turns them down for a quick one makers them angry. It's bad business. They've been furious enough. Donald- Yeah, we men don't like much to get turned down. We've don't show up to a brothel to be told by some when who work there they're tired or tonight they can do better; they're not much interested in you. Of course they aren't in love with you or attracted to you. In a friendly way they want your cash. That's okay. The sorority women that turned me down in college and earlier than that went really disinterested in me either. Stormy; they were barraging for somebody or something better. Maybe a creep ally on the long commute and elsewhere with more money. They all wanted a guy who was somewhere deep into a parade of cars on a highway lessening to angry talk radio wheel the wives lived by themselves in some posh place or other and maybe nibbled on a few organic liqueured chocolates. They don't really like men. I can understand that too. We men aren't the perfect lovers they'd like to have if they were interested in love. A lot of us make love and go to sleep. Even over eggs Benedict at breakfast we get restless. We maybe value money more than women. Shouldn't we? A dollar never betrays anybody. Stormy- If you think some legit whore has been overly treacherous you are going to live with a lot of disappointment. Donald- I can trust you to be who you are, can't I? You're not going to sue me for anything, are you? A casual quick one is not a crime. Not yet. Stormy- If I litigated I'd just hire my lawyers and you'd hie yours. That's how you break up, American style. It's almost patriotic. It's okay too. There are wrasse ends to an affair. Donald. We aren't going to get mad at each other and kill each other. Donald- What's there to make us even mildly irritated? Stormy- Really nothing. Donald- We know what we're going to do. We don't have to do any serious bargaining. Stormy- What are you going to do? Donald- Nothing too startling, novel or dangerous. Nothing you haven't survived a thousand times, Stormy. You've done it whit other people, Nothing bad happened I just want you to do it with me. Stormy- That's easy. All you want to be is a footnote? You sure you don't lack ambition? Donald- I've got it plenty but not for sex,, kid. I'd like to be President of the United States. I'd like to wrestle bad guys on television., Maybe I'd like to build a fancy hotel on Mars or the moon. Maybe sometimes I have a yen to sleep with my wife. Stormy- Not lately though I hope. Donald- No, not lately. I know there are some guys who are obsessed with women. They make fools of themselves over them. I don't have any of those feelings. I don't covet them. I know they want money. I have it, plenty of it. I don't mind paying them for some fun. God knows I can always get more money. They've got about fifteen years to get it in the sack and afterwards they can only go into supervision. I give them what they want I'm civil. I never ask them to do anything they don't do with a thousand other guys. I even have movies of them doing it. They can't think I'm asking them for something they find intolerable. Stormy- Maybe you should. Maybe you are too cautious. Donald- Some women don't like carnal peril. Stormy- Still, even in your circle, a lot of men with money go through the beautiful women in town and get bored. Something they look for in the sack or elsewhere doesn't happen. You're not one of those, are you? Donald- I might be. I've had an interesting life, kid. Maybe I should have had some guides around me besides Mafia capos about how to make it even more interesting. I really had to figure it all out myself. The Mafia doesn't know much more than how to make great noodle dishes. It didn't come to me all that easily. Some people say I've done interesting things because I'm not interesting myself. Maybe there's something to that. Who am I really? I'm interesting to myself as far as I can tell for no reason at all. Then I do like women in spite of myself. Women do have the capacity to make me frustrated. I like them even more when they're blonde, young and have the honest souls of tramps but I like them. I'm even generous to all of them, especially the ones who don't like me. Stormy- what do they do with the money you give them, watch television on a larger screen? Eat imported organic Korean chocolates? Donald- I don't know what thee do. Does it matter? Maybe they have a rendezvous with God. That hasn't happened to me. Maybe God is busy. Some send me letters as they hit middle age telling me to reform. They get knocked up by somebody and bring up a rather confused fatherless kid. That sops up a lot of time for them. They go shopping by themselves Bacchus they know somebody they send to a store is going to steal half the edibles and the money. Maybe they like horses. They get themselves a chamber ranch in Wyoming and ride the beasts around a corral. Maybe they do charity work. There's always lepers and monsters out there who need and will take they charity. Stormy- Still you are cautious. You've had a few detectives on my trail, haven't you, Donald? Donald-I might have? Yeah, I did it. They got the everything right, didn't they? At least you know I checked you out and you came out relatively clean. How did you know? Stormy- I know a lot of gumshoes. They are a sort of guild. They talk to each other. Donald- They all had to look over your porno movies so they could always identify you on the street. A lot of them feature you having sex with women. Do you like women? Stormy- I don't dislike them. There's nothing autobiographical or confessional about my films, Donald. They are only mirrors of whatever people want to see. If it was sex with giraffes I'd do that too. Donald- Really. Stormy- We don't have any more vision than accountants or shoe salesmen. Porno is one of the most narrow ritualistic worlds you could imagine short of a nunnery. When people what evil they want it to be a known evil. Donald- Yeah, that's the trouble. When I looked around to escape the silken cage I was in as a kid I was offered only the choices some run of carnival pitchmen wanted to make visible. Stormy- You think back then there might have been other ones?. Donald- I don't know, There were always reliable corruptions. They always made a steady profit. Maybe it's better to be around somebody you can trust to be what they are if it's only a few gumshoes tailing you in a shopping mall. Stormy- Donald, I'm honored to be followed. A lot of women aren't followed and regret it. Donald- Maybe you've been followed and looked over by a lot of other people you don't know about. Stormy- I'm famous. It's probably true. Donald- you know, I might be able to do something for yen the legit world. I can talk to a few people at the Apprentice. If you're nice to me I might even buy you a condo in New York City. That's my business. I know a few fancy people in real estate who would like to set you up there anonymously. Real state folks like quiet people like you. Stormy- You'd be dropping in of course occasionally. So might they. Donald- I might be. I heard you're a good cook. I might be there for your legendary lobster pasta. Stormy- Good. Luckily you've not a bad conversationalist. Donald- I once thought I was fairly amusing. Now I'm not so sure, Stormy. I talk too much about myself. People sometimes think I'm interesting. Being myself makes me tired sometimes. I know all about myself. Maybe they have something to tell me. Some people have nothing to say. I never talk to fill the time. I dandled know anything about them; sometimes I have to talk about me. Stormy- Well, I haven't held anything back from you. Maybe we both have a lot to say. Donald- As you say. Strippers don't really have riddles. I appreciate that. Stormy_ I know people want to be amused. When I talk I keep out the bad times and the disappointments. Donald- So do I. Nobody wands to hear when you're blue. Stormy- You've got to tell them a smidgeon about your setbacks. Otherwise you're boring Bacchus all that's happened to you are wonderful bits of stupid luck that make other people jealous of you. Donald- Yeah, I learned that too. I tell them things I don't feel all that passionate about though. What makes me unhappy are things I wouldn't share with anybody. It's not just the vulnerability. It's none of their damned business. Stormy- You've got to protect your privacy, Donald. Nobody else will. Donald- My life has been one long struggle, Stormy. That's why I was watching that documentary about sharks when you came in the door, Sharks are the perfect soldiers in life, kid. They kill till they're killed themselves. They're not the only ones like that in the sea either. Look at tigers. You know what they think abut? Either how to eat whatever they can get or nothing at all. Stormy- You don't think tigers have a deeper inner life? That's sad. Donald- Is it? When people start thinking n a random way about a lot of things they get instantly melancholy. Give them something to do and they are suddenly energized. Most of them live in long gone limbos or Hells they can't do anything about. Stormy- You means who your father and grandfather was, or why you aren't so interested anymore in the women you once married. Donald- I suppose that's it. I never had those illusions about marriage, Stormy. Marriage to me is just having a reliable military base. Stormy- That's why people came to watch me strip when I was a live show, Donald. That's why they still can't get enough of my porno movies though what they're seeing is the past, long dead and gone Maybe that's the way a lot of people like their experience, Donald: packaged and wrapped in red cellophane. Donald- It's safe. Stormy- I'm not complaining; their caution and fear earns me a hellova good living. Donald- I always thought porno was some kind of ritual. Stormy- It doesn't matter what it is. It's profitable. That's all you need to know. Keats said that. Donald- I'm glad you love poetry. If I did it I couldn't do it sober. I don't drink myself. I don't ever want to get looped like my poor dead brother. If it's all dead stuff like history when I was your films I get stimulated. Stormy- Sex is always better with pizza. Do you want to send out for some food? Donald- If you'll eat some of it first. You never know when somebody is trying to poison you. Stormy- Why would anyone want to do that? You and I are booth more amusing to this world alive than dead. Donald- Poison is how heros die, Stormy. Heros, celebrities are killed by poison and betrayal. Stormy- They shot Abraham Lincoln. He must have not been a hero. Donald- You don't know how many people at the top have been knocked off with poison, kid. Even nerve agents. One smear on your hands and it's over for you. Of course they call it strokes, heart attacks. It's sure as Hell not going to happen to me. I usually order from some anonymous McDonald's and eat lots of hamburgers, then wash them down with chocolate or vanilla milk shakes. Nobody knows whom the order is going to. The messenger bringing the stuff takes bite of it first. Stormy- I hope you don't get tired of a very restricted diet. Donald- Being a billionaire means there are teams of rooming detectives out to get you, kid. Even countries from Chad to Pathogene have intelligence agents wanting to compromise you with damning evidence of something depraved or other. God knows I've had my organization penetrated by England and Russia. If I had nothing no gumshoes would ever take an interest in me, but then again, I'd be a creep and a bum. I'd be broke too. That's a hell of a choice right there. Stormy- Well, you're still on the planet so you must know something about ladies and tigers. Donald- A few things, kid. I didn't go to Vietnam, did I? I knew the big boys on both sides ere going to scuffle for a while then cut a deal and import noodles bigtime to America. I don't want to be a palooka getting shot climbing up a hill on a cloudy midnight while they make their moves on poppy seeds. I'm in on the con. I got a doctors note: bad feet. Stormy- You had better thins to do that fight in Vietnam, Donald; you're a builder. You elevate people. They need characters like you to churn out fancy hotels in strange places. You should have had an exemption for being a first class international realtor. Donald- Hanoi, I wish you'd been in Congress when they started that damn war. You make a lot of sense to me. Stormy- It's easy for me to see the local insanity. I'm half out of the asylum. Donald- People don't appreciate real state folks until it starts raining and they need a dry roof. Stormy- How come you wanted to build hotels in Russia? I thought people didn't have much money there. Donald- They don't. My hotels are for foreigners who visit Russia. Russians would rather sleep in the snow. If people have any money in Russia it means they've murdered a lot of other people. Stormy- I wouldn't want to deal with that Vladimir Putin. Anyone who's managed to knock off a bunch of killers himself scares me a little. Donald- Putin? At bottom he's a crumb. Nobody in politics can be as frightening as you think they want to be, kid. Somebody says: I don't shiver. Then you've got to deal with the enemy. All it takes is one of them to take you out. Putin wants to die. You don't make any friends by growling at anybody. The real leader these days runs people with pleasure. If the people out there want money he prints money. If they want sex he gives them cheap porno. If they want a quick meal he sets them to some fastfood dump. He's the goddamn master of the world though he pretends he's one of the menial help. Smoky- You sure as hell did it that way. When people were horny you gave them a nice brothel. Donald- Yeah, it's my nature, I think, to want to please. Maybe I was too protected by my money early on, Stormy. I'm not exactly rude; I can't say I'm a guy whose well known for offering soft words either. Stormy- I guess Paten is a creep. Yeah, a classical bum, I leaned from my business if you aren't polite to everybody and respect them, even the mutts, one day you will say the wrong word to the wrong guy and find yourself dumped into a nearby river. Donald- Well, I ve said some unpleasant things now and again to a lot of people and I am still here. Maybe I haven't met the wrong guy yet. Stormy- Sometimes people are looking for him. Donald- Not me. I don't want to meet that guy. I know there are a heap of bodies out there that are food for fish at the bottom of the sea. Stormy- You may not always be in a business position to avoid him. In my field somebody has to float the money for even hard core banging. The actors have to be paid, the cameraman has to take his cut, the editor doesn't work for free and the studios we rent to shoot our stuff aren't a saintly bunch of people either. Banks don't want to take our money to quickly. They're afraid they'll be audited. They have their own enemies. It pays to be as polite as you can be to all of our angels. Donald- Sometimes it's the more pious angels that kill you. Stormy- You have bucks. You need protection. Donald. You got it from the Mafia. Donald- My mentor in the large world was Roy Cohn, not just my father. I learned from my dad that all people are bribable though their price changes from one guy to another. Well, maybe not all. The rivers are filled with the corpse of honorable folks. Roy taught me that you should be cordial whenever you can be but if you re in a conflict situation you have to be ready to be sued. You deny everything. Let them prove you exist. If you are you have power who know a lot of judges and lawyers do each other favors like politicians. You pick up your markers with them. They you owe them a little. Stormy- I know about Roy Cohn. He was a pip. Donald- Roy never was nasty to anybody. At least he would say a few unpleasant things about Communism being a world conspiracy but there weren't all that many Reds in America that were insulted by that. Everything is a conspiracy. In fact the Reds would have agreed with him. Roy was not a pugnacious character naturally he knew what to do when he was in fight. Stormy- I understand that. I've been in a few mud wrestles myself. They can get very nasty. Still nothing ever happened to me I couldn't get rid of after a hot bath. Donald- Roy was never rude. Even his enemies admitted he was realistic guy doing they best he can. Roy was like an uncle for me. Sometimes even a ballooner needs an uncle. Stormy- I wouldn't know. I never had one. I didn't even have much of a mother and father. I had to figure out everything for myself. Donald- Too bad. Uncles can be good advisors. They see things from a distance. I get too involved in things and people sometimes; I need a couple of uncles. Stormy- Do you listen to them? Donald- Most of the time. Roy of course was visionary. I never met a smarter guy than he was. He understood that the fancy lawyers and statesman had failed to run America, that power in the future was going to come from somebody who at least looked as if he were pushing a broom. That's why I went on television as reality show star and did some guest work in professional wrestling. I needed a base among common folk I certainly didn't have in real estate. I wasn't so bad as a hot shot in show business, was I? Stormy- I don't know. I never watched your stuff, Donald. I like men but it was all too male. Frankly, I think wrestling is grotesque. Donald- It's exactly what you say for reasons that Roy understood before me. It's gross. It's primitive male drama, kid. Roy was a little guy; he couldn't have wrestled anybody but midgets. Still it appeals to a lot of people who don't like fancy lawyers and don't think the current run of representatives represent them. Stormy- They're right about that. What sort of representation would they want? Somebody who after a lynching would slaughter a pig and roast it in his back yard? Donald- Worse than that. He might even try to sodomize the pig first, then eat the intestines. You ever make a porno move with pigs? Stormy- Not yet. Maybe I just haven't been able to cast the right pig at the right price. The swine in America have a strong union. Donald- You're funny, kid. I like that. Watching those porno films, I wasn't expecting that. Stormy- You shouldn't judge my charm from my movies, Donald. After all I don't make witty comedies. That's not what my customers want when they sit quietly in the shadows in a raincoat. Donald- You give them what they want, Stormy. Stormy- They don't know what they want. They're as much in a labyrinth as the two of us but with less money. They think the choices they're given make them free. We used to think that too, didn't we? Do they really want to be horny, married and watch porno? Stormy- What else should they do? Play cards? Donald- There must be other ways to be carnal and pop off to sleep besides that. These creeps don't know what they are. Stormy- You know what you want though, don't you? Donald- Do I? I know what is reliable or easily accessible only here and there. I don't know anything more than that. Stormy- I don't either. I go shipping and they offer me a choice of mangos or kiwi fruit. What kind of choice have I had otherwise? I spent enough time in the homes of the Mafioso to understand that. What do you suppose they are aiming for, Stormy? They want more red meat in the sauce they put over the pasta. Stormy- You're right. We're the blind following and leading the blind. I don't really know what I want either, Donald. I do know that whatever it is, it's better getting it or not getting it with money. Donald- Usually. Stormy- Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it snot better. Everything you do alters you, you know. Maybe I should have been a wife. Wives can tell men in bed they're too tired. They can be lousy lovers. you judge a wife by whether or not the carpets are clean. Donald- I wouldn't bet on the powder of wives either, Stormy. Most of them either get divorced or get so old and ugly nobody wants them, not even their husbands. Still they all have a thousand cunning ways to be booing. The guy doesn't even know she means to be as tedious as she is. My father Fred used to say, you know what fills motels is unhappy people with somebody else's unhappy mates. He was a damned real estate expert; he knew. Stormy- Is that why you're here and your wife is elsewhere, Donald? Donald- Look, my wife get tired of each other like everybody else. We have separate bedrooms. I don't ask her any questions about her past; she was a model. She doesn't want to knew where I am too much of the time either. I'm not cheating her out of anything she wants from me, kid. She can have the pleasure money can buy. Stormy- Does she? Donald- I don't know. I never asked her. I never will ask her. She was a model. Do you think models have or should have much of an inner life? They want to look good while they walking in a straight line in front of strangers. Melania doesn't even talk English all that well; we don't have too many deep conversations. Stormy- Maybe she has them with other people. Some people are good talkers. Donald- Look, don't ask me about my wife when you came to my apartment by yourself and you're a porno queen. I'd rather talk about archeology or mathematics. Stormy- Well, you did invite me here. Maybe I should have shown up with my lawyer. Donald- That would have been a little chilling. I don't enjoy the company of lawyers much except for Roy Cohn, who was more of a legal philosopher; I have a lot of them in my social company. Stormy- Maybe America needs a lot more soulful bartenders. Donald- I think I'd like to spend some time talking with you though. You seem very bright. Stormy- I'm not stupid. I might be naive. I was dumb enough to show up here by myself. Porno stars aren't known for their carnal discretion. Maybe I shouldn't have been all that brave. Donald- Why don't we talk about that in the bedroom? Stormy- You want to make love right now? Donald- Well, we could always do it after playing a little blackjack or watching a sitcom on television. I don't have a deck of cards and there's nothing on the tubes but Horror film marathon. These television programmers are always celebrating Halloween. Yeah I think I do want to make love to you. Stormy- In fact that's why you invited me here. You figured for anybody in porno it might be less than a handsale. Donald- Stormy, I'm not that calculating. Maybe should be. I don't know why anybody does anything. I don't have to know that. I know what people have done sometimes, I know usually whatever it is they do, they keep on doing it. They call it character, habit, morals or lack of it, access to some things and people and not others, whatever; it comes down to a kind of dumb reliability you want out of other people, not just animate can openers. Yeah, I admit it; I assume you are going to make love to me backs you've done it with thousands of other men before me. Why you did any of it is beyond me. Maybe today's the day you walt do it. Stormy- Well, if you put it like that, maybe we will do it. You don't have to contact room service to open a fresh deck of cards. Donald- That's good. Do you like me at all? Stormy- I don't know. I know I don't dislike you. Donald- You're not at all attracted to me? Stormy- Donald, I'm twenty seven and you're a sightly portly sixty one. You're almost a senile old man. I can get lovers that are in much better shape and a lot better looking than you are. You apparently can't do much better than young girls like me or those Playbody bunnies and Venezuelan beauty contest candidates you hit on. Donald- I guess I am a one more half dead guy with a wad of cash. That's okay. I'm glad I have the dough. Stormy- Do you ever see men going to a whorehouse and asking for old ripe women for a night in the sack? They never do. Men and women aren't so different. Don't you think a woman with some experience or at laesa a low standards of tolerance in lovemaking would be better for them than a stupid young man with a perpetual erection? No, men sometimes even sleep with teenage trumps who have a youthful look to them rather than get into the sack with a very friendly, ripe and mature woman. Donald- Maybe we substitute hope for anything else. Stormy- Kid, that's why lots of women have contempt for men. Men are survivalist on the hunt in a posh casino. They have no sensible ambition. They're shallow; they want superficial stupidity. Donald- Luckily we are usually dumb johns with a few bucks, right Stormy? Otherwise you wouldn't go near us for good reasons. We don't want enough from you, I guess. Stormy- You know why there are no whorehouses for when as there are for you men? Women don't want guys who are sleeping with them for money. Men want nothing else. Donald- Maybe women are better than us. Stormy- We are different; you know why so many wives divorced their husbands in the 70s. They were really angry at themselves for seeping with guys they didn't care about one way or another for a three per cent montage. It's not satisfactory to us. You're a man; a night with a whore doesn't bother you. Donald- No, it doesn't. Hamburgers don't disappoint me either. I know what a hamburger is really. I accept it as an ordinary hamburger. That is my primal male stupidity. It might be lack of ambition. you might have more respect for us if you valued that we might know something. Did you ever hear the popcorn story? Story- No. I don't think so. Donald- I heard it from every young guy I ken in queens and then in at the University of Pennsylvania. It was everybody's first experience with a woman. They would go into a room with a tramp and enter her while she was eating from a bag of popcorn. She would sat to the kid as he was inside her, let me know when you're finished, kid. That's of course, words from a whore mentality. We men have to work up to that level of disdain, Stormy. We don't really know what to expect from women when we're very young. It might be death. Stormy- Like the lady and the tiger. Donald- Yeah, except sometimes it's just two tigers. Story- What you want is what you saw in my films? Donald- Yeah, we both know you can do all of that. You could throw in a couple of minor cypress. Stormy- I can get innovative. (Donald touched her hair.) Donald- You may like me a little more than you like other people. Stormy- I haven't been notable in my life for making such very subtle distinctions. Donald- What kind of man would you like to be with if you had a choice. I know it's not me. I'm too old and self involved. Whom would it be? Stormy- I've never had that choice. I've always been decided whether I want the lady or the tiger. Donald- You've survived both, kid. Stormy- Let's not be naive. Anything agnate does changes them a little. Donald- You don't think much of me as prosecutive lover. Stormy- I don't really have an opinion. I've might have a better one next week. Donald- I might surprise you. Stormy- You called but I'll bet you won't. When you make your choices it's for hamburgers and watching National Geographic documentaries. Donald- Maybe I should eat vegetarian tacos and look at something more educational. Like suburban epics where even the dog is on a diet. Stormy- Well, that would be one more phony choice. Donald- I'd rather chomp down on hamburgers, easy on the sweet pickles. Stormy- Would you have rather have done something else besides hotels and real estate, Donald, not either the lady or the tiger? Donald- Yeah. Airports. I wish I had built a lot more airports. you don't have to give your clients the same services as you do in a hotel. You give them a chair, tell them to wait; that's it. Stormy- Somebody is building those airports as we talk. Maybe they're building a fancy airport on Mars. Donald- Whoever it is, that phantom airport guy is smarter than me. Stormy- I guess I'll have to be cogent with a lover who only builds hotels. Donald- Yeah. Well, enough talk. Let's go into the bedroom and do it. Stormy- Okay. Why not? Donald- You sure you don't like me a little. Stormy- No. I really don't. Not even a little. Donald- Good, that makes it even less ambitious than I am most of the time out of bed. Story- You're going to keep the television on while we do it? Turn the damn machine off, Donald. I don't like to compete with National Geographic. I kneeled look like a shark, a bear or a crocodile. Donald- You can't. You're not a certified wild animal. Stormy- That might be the surprise you're looking for. Donald- I'm not hoping for anything more than what I saw in those films. Stormy- You know, you're not very romantic, Donald. You don't breathe the fragrant perfumes of passion. Donald- I don't feel any emotion at all anymore than you do. You don't want me to make love to you, do you? Stormy- Do it. I just want you to be civil. Donald- You can depend on me. You and I have a deal. I am always friendly. Stormy- Even to porno queens? That must try your sense of social grace. Donald- Not at all. Sometimes a little politeness is all there is between people, stormy. Ever listen to the dumb stories of the guys who went to your stripper bar? They all had nothing left but a little casual choroidal style if they were lucky after three weeks of marriage or shacking up with some tramp. Nothing is more ordinary than what we're going to do here in a few minutes. Maybe they all should have gotten marred and had a little casual fun more conventionally. Stormy- It's one more cage. You're married. Did marriage do anything for you? Donald- Not too much. After a few marriages even a moron figures out that much about an ordinary resident home for a hotel meal and sex. Of course it took me a while I must say. Much too long. Stormy- You started out expecting something more from a roll in the hay? Donald- Let's say I had a lot of sentimental hopes and disappointments, Stormy. My love life was only one of them. Stormy- Well, I hope you won't be too unhappy with me? Donald- How happy can you make me? Stormy- I don't know. Anyway it's nice to know what we do in the bedroom is being done by millions of other desperate bums all over this country. It does make us more ordinary than we want to be of course. I can take it. Donald- Anything that happens more than a weeks is just a bad habit. Stormy- Maybe life shouldn't go on too long. Donald- Yeah, we might get bored with all of it. I think of that when I look at my children. They have no idea how tedious things are going to get for them too. Stormy- Who knows? It might be better than nothing. Do you mind if I stop off in the restroom to freshen up? Donald- Not at all. I like everything fresh in my life but fresh subpoenas, vanilla milk shakes and women. Stormy- Glad to hear it, honey. I hope I never have to stack up in good looks with a hamburger. (She smiles. Exit Stormy.) (Donald e sings.) Trump's Credo When I drive it's in a Cadillac car When I make love it's with a porno star When I eat it's a triple big whopper Diet coke for the proper topper. I'm a businessman with shadowy credit I want to know what I get when I get it. I look for a model when I want a lover Some Bunny in Centerfold I don't want ever to discover She's ugly or looks too old. I watch lots of game shows you see on the tubes Maybe this crap is for morons and boobs. When you sit in a chair you can get hog fat. Still I say to myself: hey, I can do that. I'm a businessman with shadowy credit I want to know what I get when I get it. I think it's funny that women want money; What the hell can a fat wad do? You don't know your friends while your lover spends More of your money than you. Real estate, boys, is whatever is real We can make a hellova deal; My checks might be a little short. I might be lying; see you in court. I'm a businessman with shadowy credit I want to know what I get when I get it. (Exit Donald.) |
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