Page 53
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electric maps
printed out directions
while i navigated
on an ancient river of rage
my ship was bristling
into clarity sliding
down its own whirlpool of deceleration
it was she stepping
into the air floating
near the shore standing
on the fog behind
surging
my heart was beating loudly
i could hear it pushing
she placed it at a distance in front
a thumping mass of blood and vessels
all I needed to do was reach for it
to know if i was still here
but it was so far
in the past i could look carefully
as if searching for a lost set of keys
knowing to wait for acts of destruction
to complete
following directions
from those still touching
the smooth edge
of things breaking
from the eyes of wolves
growling
i finally understood
the nature of not
listening
who made these words?
when did they arrive in our midst?
in a hidden magazine
in the back
of a lower left hand drawer
crushing
lawyers and princes
running
lost in a DC alley
always something to lie about
i saw them
chasing you
you who were so graceful
running
in the park
to see the fountains
moving faster
avoiding the spies
sneaking around celebrities
looking for a way to stay pure
to stay inconspicuous
then a meteoric flash
when the tree near you got hit
they all said it was
lightning
but who controls the outer view?
no one left to drain out the darkness
where the slow birds
bend their wings
I was walking the beach
when I heard loud words in waves pounding
where flattened foamy water flows over slanting sand
red lights began shining from a boat’s stern
still hidden as the fog started to lift
the sail was then luffing in a slight breeze
she was chanting a farewell
she didn't expect me to hear
but I could hear quite clearly
as she turned her words into incantation
i was on the shore throwing shells
into that same breeze hoping to slow it down
by some magical means
i couldn’t help but focus
on the cut pieces of dark seaweed
strewn in a track across the beach
marking the last tide’s change of direction
i wondered if she would swim
after finally getting around the jetty
with its sharp rocks
i heard her words again
this time in an old dead language
it was the language of our parents
they who always knew everything
and at the same time knew nothing
fate had a way of diving deeper
in an attempt to make words float
i could see you moving
fast away from me on the water
but is speed who you really are?
with your limitations of doldrum wind?
and broken promises? how many?
we were there in the end game
sitting in their black rented Bentley
i was the child who hated them
but my grief was not theirs
i am not what i wanted
i will never be that now
standing on my anger’s edge
in my black suit and tie
seeing how they fit it all together
in a place where the end of sky
touches sea
where it holds horizon down
into a red light waiting
for your memory to project
where i can see your beauty again
on the screen
i am there too
the child knocked down
by a wave
on a long forgotten beach