i told you that i had quit smoking
five years ago
because i was terrified
of getting cancer,
though i have never
been afraid
of dying.
you said you had also
somehow never been
afraid to die,
and maybe
this is why
you went outside my door
for poison
on the half hour.
and i have to recall,
i have eliminated my past vices
and try to be careful
in what gives me my fix--
but inhabiting where i sleep,
you are my ravenously
burning cigarette
that i usually try
to avoid.

too sensitive to be flippant
about such matters,
i usually try to only entangle myself
with those who have
a heart of gold--
that way if they fuck you over,
they at least make an effort
to temper the sting
with their usual kindness.

but gold is a rare commodity--
and though i grudgingly
try to never be reckless,
you burn into the dawn
and i revel in a vice
i know to be wary of
most of the time.

i do not know you well enough
to have observed how sharp
your actions can become.
but perchance i am breaking
all my own rules
because you are from the east coast
and are so very forthright--
and i am numbingly used to
others being so aloof.
either way that scientists
could deduce,
i am rendered
from my own parameters
and on this night
i am not so afraid
of cancer.